Good Intentions
by Skydark
Summary: NC-17. Yaoi. Havoc x Ed. “It's ok, boss,” Havoc said. “I think good is different for everyone because we're all different, right? It can't be the same for everybody. You make your own good, ok?”


"Whoa, take it easy there boss, we got all night. No need to be heaving that fine whiskey before we get a chance to properly enjoy it," the solider grinned, wiggling the cigarette dangling between his lips like a wave.

"Whadda you know about it?" the alchemist sneered, already three sheets to the wind and barely half a glass of alcohol in his system. "I got_issues_, big manly drinking issues, go on, tell me I don't," he challenged.

"I'm not saying you're above issues boss," his subordinate cajoled him, "I'm just saying that ain't water and you shouldn't treat it like it is. You'll regret it in the morning."

"I already regret you telling me I'll be regretting it," the major said. "It's my paycheck and my booze, I don't care if I had to get you to buy them for me. Rank ain't good for nothing but cutting in line in the mess hall," he finished.

"Yeah about that, we're getting complaints," Havoc said, pulling his cigarette out of his mouth, "and not only does Al not have any rank, he doesn't eat."

"But he's really good at making people shut up when I'm cutting in line," Ed slurred. "Don't worry, I get some of my own back because I have to stand there and listen to Al apologize for me then bitch at me the entire time I'm trying to get my lunch. Then he makes me feel so guilty I can't enjoy it, why I'm not dead of starvation I'll never know," he huffed.

Havoc knocked the rest of his drink back and reached for the bottle. Ed looked at his hand like he might like to take a bite, but in the end he let Havoc have another shot because Havoc had been nice enough to get the stuff in the first place. Drinking wasn't a specialty of Ed's and he was determined to make it more of a practiced thing; that way, when there were office parties, he wouldn't wake up in his bed with Al tsking over him and not remembering any of the fun. How as he going to have any blackmail material on that bastard Colonel if he could never remember it the next day? He was absolutely certain if he could make it though just one of those drunken debauchery's they called a 'party' he'd have the Colonel so firmly by the balls that the man would pony up anything.

"So you're practicing up for our next poker game?" Havoc grinned. "Boss, you know you don't have to practice drinking."

"Yes I do, I have to practice everything," Ed said heatedly. "How will I build up a tolerance otherwise? I get tired of you guys laughing at me. Hell, even Fuery holds a drink better than me. That's not right, I mean not that there is anything wrong with Fuery or nothin', he's a nice guy and all, but shit, I got to be able to at least out drink _him_."

"Cain has got the lot of you so bamboozled," Havoc laughed, "it's that baby face and those over big glasses, he does that shit on purpose. Don't say I didn't warn you when he puts all our asses up against the wall in his revolution," and that was incredibly funny to Havoc, and he had to laugh about it a few minutes.

"Ha fuckin' ha," Ed said and sniffed. "Doesn't matter, world conquerer or misunderstood mama's boy, I still can't out drink him and that's a crime, it's a fuckin' crime, you hear me?" Ed flopped back against the wall, his ass seated on Havoc's bunk. "Why you got a dorm room to yourself, you special or something?"

"I am special, thanks for noticing. I don't know, it just kinda worked out this way," Havoc shrugged. "Mustang pulled it off, like he pulls everything off." Havoc poured Ed another 'shot', but it was really more like a sip and then helped himself. Free booze were still booze, and he was helping the kid out by drinking as much of this as he could, that way, Ed wouldn't have such a killer hang over the next day.

Ed held his breath, screwed up his face, then slammed his head back, slamming it on the wall. He gulped down the whiskey as a painkiller, Havoc could tell, because when he lowered his chin his eyes were still tight shut and tiny tears were in the corners.

"You ok there, boss?" Havoc asked, wincing a little.

"Yeah," Ed gasped. "Fine, bring it on," and he waved his glass around unsteadily.

So around the bottle went, until it was almost done. Havoc knew he'd gotten the lion's share, but that was just payment for buying it for the kid in the first place, really, he ought to be ashamed. He tilted his own head back, sitting there on the bunk across from Ed. Even though the room was single occupancy, it still had two bunks, just in case, for any reason, Havoc had the idea to entertain or have a slumber party. It made no sense to him.

He couldn't deny the sight of Ed, slumped and smiling, flushed and sighing on the other bunk wasn't a lovely way to spend an evening. It was when Ed decided to be those things on the same bunk with _him_ that certain demons of the subconscious raised their head. He watched the boy slide off the bunk, right himself, topple over, struggle up again and then weave the three feet between the bunk he was on and the one Havoc was occupying. He smiled; a warm tilt of his lips that curled upwards toward his very ears and after a couple of attempts managed to crawl onto the bunk.

"Whatya doin' boss?" he asked casually, watching Ed fuss and circle, like a big golden cat looking for a warm spot to settle in. Ed just smiled and continued to circle until he managed to just about circle himself into Havoc's lap. Now he lay sprawled more or less on his back in the nice nest of Havoc's crossed legs and Havoc read court-martial all over the boy's under-aged body and swallowed.

"You uh, you still haven't told me what you are doin'?" Havoc said, not denying himself the pleasure of looking at the offering he dare not take.

"Aw you looked lonely," Ed sighed. "You kept lookin' over at me and makin' those eyes and I thought; he must be lonely, because we all know you can't get a date."

Havoc now thunked his head back against the wall, and instead of taking it as a shove-Ed-off-into-the-floor offense, he decided to make a drunk manifesto of it. After all, he had a captive audience.

"Yeah, so what's wrong with me? I'm asking here. Am I ugly, am I flabby, do I have bad breath? I make a descent living, I'm a nice guy, I mind my manners, and for what I ask you? For nothin', that's right, not a damn thing. Let the fuckin' Colonel sniffle in public and nineteen fuckin' girls, blondes, brunettes and red-heads, between the ages of 18 and 25, will send him gawddamn flowers all day long! What is it? What's the magic?! Is it alchemy? Ed you would know, right? Is it alchemy?"

"That is so fuckin' unfair, man," Ed sighed in sympathy. "Because you're like a good looking guy, y'know and I don't just say that. You got looks and you got the tall thing, yeah, and ok I'm going to give you that without the hissy fit because what can I do? God hates me and likes you, that's just the way it is, but you don't smell most of the time and y'know, I don't know how much you make or nothing, but it's gotta be ok and all. So what's not to like? Women are fickle bitches, no they are, most of them, ok some of them, actually I don't know really. Hawkeye scares me, is she a woman? I mean I know she's female but what makes a woman, no wait, I know the answer to that... it's a bunch of chemicals and shit and look what it did to me. Women did this to me, they are a bad scene, man," Ed finished out nodding.

"Makes you think about going to men," Havoc sighed, "because I don't know, I'd kill myself before going to sheep."

"You know it," Ed sighed, snuggling more into Havoc's lap.

"Yeah ok, so hypo..hypofetticini speaking," Havoc started.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Ed yelled and started cackling. "What the fuck did you just say, oh shit, I gotta write it down or I'll forget it!" Ed shrieked.

But he really made no move to get out of Havoc's lap and Havoc snorted at him and poked him in the stomach. Ed kept grinning merrily but finally stopped trying to crack the ceiling plaster with laughter.

"You know what I mean you spoiled fuckin' genius everyone fawns on, shuddup and let a normal guy have a say," Havoc said.

"What? No one fawns on me, I am genius though," Ed confirmed.

"So if you were gonna go after a guy, who would you go after?" Havoc said. "Not like you know, you'd go after one, or I would go after one, but we're both guys so we should know what guys like. I mean if I was gonna like a guy I'd try to find a guy who likes the same things I like. Rifles, ammo, trucks, girls... only wait, he couldn't like girls could he? There would be no point in going after him then," Havoc grimaced. "I even suck at going after guys."

Ed got very quiet for a few moments, his brows furrowing. He kept rolling his eyes back and forth like he was watching his own private catwalk display of the men in his life he might think about, _(but not really, I mean, c'mon, these were guys)_, dating if he got a chance.

"What do you think of someone like Major Armstrong?" Havoc asked his lap occupant. "I mean, he's a good looking guy, right?"

"In the way a ox is good looking, I guess. I mean there is...so much of him," and Ed demonstrated with his hands, "so I mean if we're gonna be realistic," Ed said in drunken logic, "you have to think about you know...accommodation factor."

They both tried to focus on the concept and after a moment, they both got very wide eyes. Ed even made a halted attempt to grab his ass in sympathy.

"Not Armstrong," Havoc said.

"Hell no," Ed agreed.

"Fuery is right out, and Breda... I mean he's a great drinking buddy and he can gamble like a son of a bitch, but just...no. Falman," Havoc grinned to himself, "ain't no way in hell I'd ever get mixed up with that. But just...ew, these guys are just to close to home. It would have to be a complete stranger I'd never see again, not that I'd want to see them in the first place, because this is just you know, speculation," he couldn't remember the rest of the 'hypo' word and wasn't about to set Ed to laughing again. He could see the flecks of ceiling on the floor between the bunks already.

The Ed heaved a sigh, a strange little sigh and he reached up to rub his finger on Havoc's black t-shirt and he let his head thump back against Havoc's leg.

"The Colonel," Ed said, somewhat dreamily and Havoc coiled up like a snake.

"NO FUCKIN' WAY," he roared. "That bastard has already got all the pussy worth having around here and I ain't giving him the satisfaction of lusting after his stoopid ass even if this is all 'what-if'! He don't get no credit here, this is man's country and by god I'd spread them for Al's armor before that girl-stealing sex maniac! I'd like a pair of handcuffs and a baseball bat and ten minutes in a locked room then I'd show him what sex was really about," and he panted and bared his teeth at nothing.

"Oh come on," Ed said, "he's good lookin', he's got position, power, money, you know you want him," and the boy giggled and hiccuped and giggled some more.

"Sounds like you want him," Havoc growled. "If you want him so bad why are you over here drunk in my lap, huh? Looks like y'know, if you con someone into buying you booze and letting you get drunk in their dorm you'd have a little consideration."

The boy blinked at him, all mirth dropping from his face. He reached up clumsily and pressed one slightly damp and gloved metal hand to Havoc's cheek.

"M'sorry," Ed said. "You're right, I know I'm an insensitive asshole, Al tells me all the time. I try to be good, I really do but I somehow always fuck it up. I fuck everything up. You're right, you bought me booze and let me get drunk here and you could get in trouble because... I don't know just because, because I ain't no fuckin' kid, stoopid age laws! It's discrimination, but still, I ought to do something for you. You need anything transmuted? I could do that."

Practice at being drunk helped Havoc discern that Ed doing alchemy while drunk was probably a really bad idea. Who knows what could happen or what could be transmuted off, there were some appendages automail just couldn't replace; and boy if he sucked at picking up girls now, just imagine _that_.

"Nope, don't go doing no happy clappy in here thank you very much. Keep your freakish abilities to yourself, I ain't having none of that, I mean you're good an all but yeah, no thank you," and he nodded a lot, looking down at the boy, marveling that the metal hand still resting on his cheek was warm.

Ed didn't say anything for a while and neither did Havoc. There seem to be something that dictated they study each other in this ridiculous state. Ed them pushed himself up with his other hand and slide the hand on Havoc's cheek back, hooking it behind his head and using it to either pull himself up or the older man down, Havoc wasn't sure which and then he wasn't sure of anything because his mind short-circuited when Ed slammed his lips over Havoc's own.

There was really nothing to it to qualify it as a kiss. It came off more than Ed was trying to drill through Havoc's face in a slow, painful way; and that was by pressing hard with his lips. He'd decided the best spot and opportunity to accomplish this feat was by starting at the hole Havoc already had in his head; his mouth.

Havoc grabbed Ed's shoulder in alarm and pushed back, forcing their separation and swearing he heard a 'pop' at the same time. He panted and stared at Ed who dropped back down into his lap and then he _squirmed_. He was rubbing against all sorts of body parts he shouldn't have and he should just put Ed off his lap, here and now, only...

He was smiling and flushed, his hair was working it's way free of his braid, his eyes were half mast and his lips were already a deep red from being smashed into Havoc's lips.

"What is it?" Ed asked in that carefree, giggling way that having your brain pickled often made you do. "I was just showing my appreciation, you're the one who said you wanted to do it with guys, I'm a guy," the imp in Havoc's lap said teasingly, "what about me?"

"This is a side of you I don't think I've ever seen," Havoc said, wondering if his voice was half as stunned as he was. "It's really unlike you, I mean there is drunk and then there is _drunk_, come on boss, you're embarrassing me here."

"What? You too fuckin' good for me or something? You got a hang-up about automail? Yeah, is that it? That's what it is, you're one of those creeps that thinks just because I got to have help getting around I'm sub-human. Yeah, that's it, isn't it?" Ed flailed to get off his lap then. It made him easy to catch and easy to kiss to shut him up. He went boneless the moment Havoc's lips touched his and Havoc had to support him against his chest, with a hand behind his head.

When he pulled up, to see if Ed had shut up, _(and he thought it might be good to let the boy breathe)_, Ed let go of one long, tremulous sigh.

"It's not that you're not good enough," Havoc said, "it's you know, you're to young for me to be..."

"BASTARD, you're leading me on now! You think that just because you're some hotshot who's had pussy before that I'm not going to cut the mustard. You're a bastard cock-tease what wants to feel me up and then send me away with a pat on the head and a pat answer because you're not man enough to see this all the way to the end! I know just what you are..." and then Ed shut up as Havoc once again tried to liberate his tonsils.

There was not enough whiskey in the world to make him drunk enough to handle this. He cautiously peeled Ed off his face again and stared at him in trepidation.

The boy regarded him with lazy eyes, a half smile playing on his swollen lips. Havoc could have this...this chewable, lickable, tasty little morsel all pliant and golden in his lap. He could smell this, taste this, touch this... probably even fuck this. It was an invitation, sealed in leather and offered up on a platter of whiskey. And damn, if it didn't make him think hard about switching to guys, because this one, damn him, in his too young to shave state was as pretty as any girl.

Damn him for being pretty, accommodating, young and fucking drunk.

He slid his arm down under Ed's knees, slid to the side of the bunk and stood. He carried to boy back over to the bunk he normally slept on and laid him down. Ed gaped up at him, began to windmill and sling random, half-hearted punches. Havoc merely held him down by planting his palm firmly on the boy's forehead; Ed eventually gave up and lay there panting.

"Go on and think what you like, this isn't any sort of rejection, Ed," Havoc told him. He noted, duly, that the night's excitement had killed his own pleasant buzz, and now he was just tired. Tired and being noble, and he hated both. "You come back when you're legal and do that again and we'll see how serious I might be about switching teams. But you have to wear leather, in fact, you have to wear this whole damn outfit... just be old enough so your balls have dropped."

"SUMBITCH," Ed screeched.

"Yeah, that's about how I feel, now go to sleep, you're going to be puking all over everything in the morning, I just know it. I'm getting Al for that, he can't smell so it shouldn't be a problem for him," Havoc said.

Ed panted hard for a few moments, then he abruptly turned on his side and presented Havoc with his back, curling up like a little black pill bug.

He felt bad for not molesting the drunken kid like he wanted to, and how fucked up was that? Guilt if you do the wrong thing, guilt if you did the right thing, where there no fuckin' breaks? He went back to the other bunk and sat down, leaned him back against the cold, cinder block wall and watched the boy on the opposite bed. Just as abruptly as Ed has turned his back on him, he rolled over to face him and pointed a shaking white-gloved finger at him.

"You smug ass wipe, don't you think I won't do it either. I ain't got long before I'm legal enough and then you'll be sorry, you'll be really, really sorry."

"Why will I be sorry?" Havoc asked, he couldn't help the hug grin that spread across his face.

Ed seemed to ponder that a moment, then snorted.

"I don't know, but you just will," he growled. "Because I'm a great lay, you'll see, then you'll be sorry."

"How is it you're a great lay already, who's laid you?" Havoc asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"I ain't gotta tell you," Ed mumbled. "It's a secret, because if it got out about how great I was, well then you'd be sorry," he assured the other man.

"I guess it's just my loss," Havoc said, amused.

"Big loss, huge loss, you can't even imagine the loss," Ed agreed.

"Oh... yes I can," Havoc said and closed his eyes, "believe me, I really, _really_ can."

"That's what the Colonel said," Ed sighed and Havoc groaned, brows furrowing. Well, he had been second again. Last to dinner, rebound king, why was he not surprised?

"But then he did it anyways," Ed continued. "I guess he was good and all, but I don't have any basis for comparison and you know that bugs me, because I'm a scientific type you know. How am I suppose to believe his reputation if he's the only one I'm doing, I mean I have to make connections, I have to network. I have big things going on and I need big things to happen and if that is what it takes to get more people on my side, well I might just have to do it," he turned and made big eyes at Havoc. "See, now aren't you sorry? You'd really be helping me out," Ed tried to bat his eyelashes but it looked more like he was trying to fly away with his eyelids than anything else.

"The Colonel did not do you," Havoc informed him, "and I know it for a fact because the man cannot contain himself when he's scored, and you would be a major score. Never mind it's illegal, he'd just want to rub my face in it."

Ed flailed around on the bunk for a few moments, then hung over the side, looking at the floor.

"I'm not going to remember this in the morning, am I?" he asked in a surprisingly almost lucid tone.

"No, not a word," Havoc said, "won't be the first time."

Ed pushed up then, giving Havoc his best frank, yet drunken expression.

"So ok, I won't remember it anyways so what's the big deal?" Ed asked. "I mean you like me an all, right? You do like me?"

This was a new tactic for Edward the steam-roller and Havoc wasn't all that comfortable with it. He shifted around. Of course he _liked_ the kid, the kid was easy to like. Fire and determination, looks notwithstanding, _(and boy did he have some looks)_, it was just his whole earnest nature that drew people to the kid. It was hard not to see some quality you'd like to possesses nestled into that neat little package admit all the grief and strife.

"Ed, quit playing dirty, you know I like you, and _yeah_, I'd probably like you that way, too. But think of it from my view point. You wanna make me feel bad because I'd be doing something I shouldn't be doing in the first place and the only reason you want to do it is because you're drunk. So lighten up, give a man a break," Havoc scooted to the edge of the bed and reach up on the desk sitting between the two bunks, pulling over his pack of cigarettes and lighting one.

"Then let me have a smoke," Ed said. "It's just as illegal but a lot less risky."

"Whiskey is bad for you man, all it does it wanna get you in trouble. But yeah, come on, if you really think you must," Havoc finally conceded.

Ed grinned and managed to get off the bunk and bounce in Havoc's general direction. Havoc caught him, maneuvered him to sit on the bed beside him, took a long drag off his cigarette, then plucked it from between his lips and offered it to Ed.

Ed started at it, not reaching right away to take it but sort of sucking his bottom lip in anticipation. He finally lifted his hand, closed his fingers over the end and then just held it there, suspended and aloft, he looked to Havoc as if to seek instruction. Havoc thought it was pretty self-explanatory and Ed had seen him smoking them day in and day out for a long time now. But he sort of smiled and lifted his eyebrows in encouragement. If he couldn't introduce the boy to the pleasures of military homosexuality, then the least he could do is introduce him to a eventually debilitating life-long habit. Either way, it worked out to be about the same.

Ed maneuvered it in his hand to get it between two fingers then gingerly stuck the end to his mouth. He rolled his eyes to Havoc, possibly seeking approval and just let the cigarette sit there, smoldering.

"You gotta inhale," Havoc held up fingers and demonstrated with a invisible cigarette, "you just put it there and take a breath, you hold it, then you let it out."

Ed looked dubious for a moment, then he actually tucked the cigarette between his lips and took a breath. Havoc waited and as expected, he caught the cigarette when Ed coughed it out and merrily pounded his back.

"You and your illegal cravings," the older man grinned. "Was it all you hoped it would be?"

"Fuck you," Ed grumbled and choked. Havoc got up and fetched him some water and sat by him again as the boy drank it and wiped at the tiny tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes.

"Nope, wouldn't be that way, it would be the other way," Havoc grinned and winked.

"Well how would I know?" Ed snorted. "Ain't from lack of trying, I can tell you that." He gave the other man the eye and snorted.

Havoc rolled his eyes and proceeded to smoke the cigarette that had almost done Ed in. Ed wiggled around on the bed and finally ended up on his back beside the man, his head right at the edge of the bed and his braid hanging toward the floor.

"I wanna try everything," Ed finally said, staring at the ceiling. "I wanna try everything because in the end I might end up with nothing."

"What are you talking about?" Havoc asked, looking over at him. "It'll be ok boss, you'll work everything out, you'll see."

"There are no guarantees," Ed said. "I tried to have everything already and see what it got me?" He lifted his automail arm, shook the wrist of it back and forth and Havoc listened to the metal clink. "It got Al even less, even worse. When I go to get it back? Al gets everything, even if I end up with nothing, that's the way it's gonna be. So I wanna try everything, while I can, even if it's just a little of everything, so I know what it's like and maybe it won't be so hard when I give everything up. More bargaining power, more experience to offer when the time comes. That's equivalent, right? If I give my everything for Al's nothing?"

Havoc wasn't sure how to answer that, and he looked at the golden, earnest eyes peering up at his. The boy reached and caught his hand, laid it flat on his stomach and gave it a tentative push, still holding Havoc's eyes.

"Ed," he started, but the boy gave his hand a firmer push and when the boy had Havoc's hand where he wanted it, he lifted his hips.

"It's just something else I can offer," Ed appealed. "It's just something else to show them, when they start inventorying me to see if I got enough to get Al's body back."

Ed put his hand over Havoc's, his fingers along Havoc's fingers and pressed them, still lifting with his hips.

"You don't even got to do nothing," Ed said, voice still softly slurred from all the whiskey he'd drank. "Just lend me your hand, I'll do the rest. I like to do with my right hand, but it's cold sometimes, yours is warm," he coaxed. "Just let me borrow it for a few minutes, I won't take it no where and you can have it right back," and Ed attempted a grin, but it was flawed and somewhat broken.

Havoc said nothing but he slowly tightened his own grip and Ed let go an almost explosive gasp, pressed down on the back of the other man's hand with his own and pressed up with his hips. After another moment, he started to rock.

Havoc was duly impressed that the area under his hand started to tighten. Ed licked his lips and turned his head to the side, his eyes shut and Havoc watched. If this was going to be a bargaining chip, if he really was going to offer this up when the time came to trade, shouldn't it be better than just this? A borrowed hand and his own labor? If it was really going to be in there with all the other good things Ed had to give, shouldn't it be a good experience, too? Havoc felt himself turning and sitting on his hip to face the boy, he pulled his hand away for a moment and made shushing noises to the boy's whimpered protest. He got the brown belt open, enlisted Ed's help in wiggling the black leather down and then pushed down the cotton boxers.

Sight confirmed what his hand had felt, and Ed was indeed getting an erection. As wrong as it might of been, he at least felt some satisfaction in that Ed _did_ want the touch. Havoc tried not to feel to pathetic that the only person he evidently aroused was an underage and desperate teenager. There was irony to this, or justice, or neither, he wasn't sure. Ed jiggled up and down then, wetting his lips and letting his eyes grow to an impossible radius on his face.

"Yeah, yeah," Havoc breathed. "I'm getting to it."

He'd never actually been with another man before, but he had been with his hand and he knew it fairly well. Ed's cock was still in it's formative years it seemed, and Havoc's hand wrapped around it hid it almost entirely from view. Ed let go of a delicious moan that sent all sorts of prickles down the other man's spine, good and bad.

He really shouldn't be doing this, but then again he really shouldn't have just sat there and watched the boy polish off a half of bottle of whiskey, or been encouraging him to smoke, either. So, what was one more sin?

"Any time now," Ed suddenly snorted and tilted his chin toward his chest to get a better look at what wasn't happening.

"Everyone is in a damn rush," Havoc mumbled, but began to comply. He started to move his hand up and down slowly. Ed bit his lower lip and continued to watch and Havoc wasn't sure he was comfortable with Ed watching. It made him feel some performance anxiety. Ed began to squirm, it didn't seem like any guide or by any design. He panted just lightly through his parted lips.

Havoc, for the life of him, couldn't think of a damn thing to say, so he opted to say nothing and just tried to concentrate on what he was doing. Ed decided to be chatty.

"It's really different from when I do it," Ed purred. "It feels good, maybe better, but I dunno, because I'm pretty good at it. At least I think I am, I don't know because I ain't never seen another guy do it. Maybe I'm not doing it the same way, maybe I'm unique. But it looks like you're doing it the same way I do it. Maybe you could show me how you do it on your cock after you do mine," the boy said and sighed a lovely dreamy sigh, finally letting his head flop back. "But you're doing it really good," he concluded.

Havoc cleared his throat a little.

"Yeah," was all he got out, feeling a stirring in his own groin and feeling rather complimented.

"You need to do it faster though," Ed started again, "because I just feel like it need to be faster. Tighter maybe, make it tighter."

Havoc sucked in his lower lip and complied, tighter, ok he squeezed a little tighter, faster, ok he moved his hand a little faster.

"Uh...yeah," Ed moaned and dug his fingers into the blanket beneath him. "That's good, do it like that only more, do it more," he conjoled.

More? Well what the hell did that mean? How could he do it more? Ed didn't have any more cock then what he had his hand fisted around. How could he do it more?

"It...it's really good," Ed panted lightly. "You're really good at this. When I do it, it gets all rushed and shit and then I have to worry Al is gonna catch me so it's not as good because I start worrying just to get it over with and stuff, but you do it really good. I don't think Al even knows I'm here, but I dunno, he knows a lot of stuff I don't think he knows. Shit, I hope he doesn't know I'm here, that would suck, huh? He might get mad I drank whiskey because he says it makes me do stupid stuff that I shouldn't be doing. You don't think he knows I'm here, do you?" He gave Havoc a pleading look.

"Relax boss," Havoc grated out, trying to ignore his own sudden and persistent erection, "I think it's ok to just relax here, no one knows you're here, just relax. Let's get this finished up, ok?"

Ed turned to look at the door and at the same time arched up hard into Havoc's grip.

"I just don't want him to be mad, fuck, do it faster, just in case" Ed whined and panted.

Yeah, faster, get it over with so he could shoo the boy out and take care of a few matters of his own. He finally let his eyes trail to what he was actually doing. Watched Ed's stomach tighten, his thighs tremble. He watched the boy's smooth hips, move up and down and up and down beneath his own hand. He liked girls, he really liked girls, and he liked Ed's hips, Ed had _fine_ hips. Before he realized he's bent over and then his tongue leapt out of his mouth and moved slowly on Ed's stomach and the boy squeaked and fisted a hand in the man's hair.

"Tickles!" Ed warned. "Don't do that shit, it tickles! Don't lick my stomach, whattaya doin' that for?"

What was he doing it for? Was Ed ever going to come? He picked up the pace once again and Ed released his hair in favor of grabbing the blanket again.

"UH, yeah, that's good, that's good, FUCK, that's good," Havoc was informed and then Havoc realized that might be a little loud. Because he was in a dorm and he had the room to himself and not the whole building. "FUCK," Ed shrieked again and moved his mouth from Ed's stomach to a make better use of it. He covered Ed's mouth with his own, stretching out beside the boy now, shoving his arm under the boy's neck to lifted his head. And Ed jerked and made some muffled exclamation as Havoc brushed his tongue against the boy's own. But not at least he was silent, and that was good. It wasn't anyone's business he was jerking off a drunk kid on his spare bunk, no one's business at all.

Of course, the next order of business was that Ed come. And he did, almost on cue as Havoc thought it. Ed bowed his body up and held it, trembling for long moments before letting it sag completely back to the bunk, bouncing it a little. He said something weakly into Havoc's mouth and seemed to be attempting to pant. Havoc drew his mouth away cautiously and Ed drew in a shaky lungful of air, eyes closed tight. Havoc could feel the wetness on his fingers, in his palm and he stroked up and down a couple more times and Ed groaned and shook and turned to press his face to Havoc's shoulder.

Havoc tilted his face down, breathed next to the boy's ear and nosed his temple.

"That was good," Ed said, faintly and weakly. "You're really good at this, I don't know why you can't get laid," the boy said.

"I think it has to do with making some bad decisions," Havoc said tightly, "like getting minors drunk and luring them to my dorm room."

"You do that shit, you could get arrested for that, you better cut that shit out," Ed told him, voice still muffled against Havoc's shoulder.

"Yeah, I think I'm turning over a new leaf here," Havoc assured him.

"Good, don't want you to get in trouble," Ed said, then yawned and smacked his lips, pulling his face away and rewarding his deliverer with a lovely flushed counterage and a smile. "I like you, so I don't want you to get in trouble, you're really good. That's a good bargaining thing right there, that's a good one. That will help," and Ed nodded then yawned again.

"Uh, good" Havoc said, earlier ire fading. "Let me get you cleaned up a little here so you can go on back to your room and get some sleep," and he slid off the bed, not sure what to feel and not sure if he wanted to feel anything. Ed had this way of making things so innocently complicated and here Havoc was, now caught in that trap.

When he came back, he had to shake Ed awake, get him sitting up right and all tucked and buckled back the way he had been before lying on the bed. Ed kept regarding him blearily.

"You mad at me?" Ed suddenly asked. "You mad at me for this? Because I shouldn't be doing this, should I? I shouldn't be dragging everyone in, but I don't know what else to do. I'm scared because I don't know if I can fix it. Am I bad?" he asked and Havoc told himself over and over it was the whiskey. It just did this to some people, made them say things that they wouldn't say. Ed wasn't going to remember any of this anyway, at least he hoped and prayed he wouldn't.

"No boss, you aren't bad, why would you think that?" Havoc said and tried to smile.

Ed said nothing, just studied Havoc's face and finally Havoc stood and offered his hand and Ed took it and stood up. Havoc helped him get to the door and stood there with him until Ed put his hand on the knob.

"I try to be good," Ed said, finally breaking the silence. "But it never seems to work out that way, does it? We try to do good things, but in the end, we aren't sure if they are good at all. I'm not even sure I know what is good anymore."

"It's ok, boss," Havoc said. "I think good is different for everyone because we're all different, right? It can't be the same for everybody. You make your own good, ok?"

He wasn't qualified to be handing out any sort of good lectures, so what the hell was he saying? But the boy brightened and nodded, turned the knob and stuck his head out the door.

"Al's not out here," he said as he leaned back in, "so it's safe for me to go."

"You going to be ok? Should I walk you part way?" Havoc asked.

"No, I got it," Ed nodded. "Um, thanks, for everything."

"Yeah, sure, just get back to your dorm in one piece," Havoc said.

And then he was gone without another word or backward glance and Havoc shut the door behind him. He should have never opened it for him in the first place that night. Should have never gone to the go to man for buying booze on base. Should have never let himself be talked into touching what he had no right touching. A lot of should haves nevers that should have never been done. But you can't take it back, no matter how hard you try, somethings are frighteningly permanent. He walked over to his bunk, kicked off his boots and loosened his pants before falling onto it.

If he denied it, what was the point of that? It happened. He found he didn't want to deny it, because he didn't want to do that to Ed. Then again, what did it matter, Ed wasn't going to remember any of it, he never did, which was the reason this whole, pointless exercise had come into being.

But it wasn't pointless and just because Ed wouldn't remember didn't mean he wouldn't and there would be no denial. He just wasn't sure what to feel about it. Maybe he should feel good about it, because he told the boss to make his own good, right?

He rolled onto his side facing the wall and closed his eyes to sleep.


End file.
